so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
