Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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