absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
