Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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