my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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