her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
