I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't notice because vodka
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
