Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
