Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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