U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
