A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize