She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
