u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
