I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize