Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
