I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
