Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
