I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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