i think i have two assholes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
