Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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