I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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