I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
