Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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