Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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