Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
