Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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