he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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