i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
