What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
