i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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