Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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