My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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