I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
