Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
