After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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