I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
