He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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