I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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