I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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