She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize