No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
