last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
