any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
