i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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