Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
