just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize