Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
