i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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