Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
