I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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