yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
