lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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