I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Randomize
