I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
