You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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