I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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