this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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