I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
