that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize