Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
