we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
