I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
